Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
