So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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