you have to choose: penises or morals?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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