She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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