I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I think my moral compass just broke
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
