He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i came on her dog
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
