Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
