Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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