u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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