not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
