I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
