I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
But break dance skills will only take you so far
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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