I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
