playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
did i just pee glitter
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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