I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I am in a vortex of obligation.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Randomize
