Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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