She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
