I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize