Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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