Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
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