he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
