While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
