It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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