I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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