Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
