respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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