I haven't been this sober since birth.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
