God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
