A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
This baby is an asshole
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
