I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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