I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize