I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
