It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Is it penis luge time yet?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
