They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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