We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
