i think my tv is drunk
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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