I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
