i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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