she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
