I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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