that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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