Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
