hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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