ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
