hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
not ubering you a puppy
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
