Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
