OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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