dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just made my gag reflex go away.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
