My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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