OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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