Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
