Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
