Sponge bath it is.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
