we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
