Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
there is glitter all over my balls
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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