I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
