Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
