In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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