My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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