And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize