I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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