Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
