4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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