i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize