i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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