how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
