ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'd cum for enchiladas.
40s are totally the cure
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
