Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
