Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
