You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
