these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
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