Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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