yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
