I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
