you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
