The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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