the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
