dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
