My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
