I need help removing her.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
