I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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