i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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