I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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