You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
