evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
