PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
